Yep that's me this last few weeks. Is it ever enough with what I'm doing with Savannah?? Why doesn't she say more for a 16mth old? Are the HA's really working? Would the CI really help her & make a difference? I don't know if it is ever enough what i do :(
The reason i started thinking about this more was because Ive seen first hand children that have CI's are just amazing. Talk normal, hear amazing & are doing wonderfully. In all reality Savannah is profoundly deaf in her Right ear. Yes the hearing aide is helping BUT its not giving her the speech she will need. So to have her rely on her left ear solely is alot to ask.
Your probably asking Why have i started doubting myself & Savannah so much? Well simply because I don't know if shes progressing now like she should be. I was asked by a mother the other day who's daughter has Bilateral CI's why Savannah has not been implanted in her right ear? I kind of looked dumbfounded at her, but in all reality i had asked this question over & over myself. The only answer i could give was that the implant clinic no longer holds her as a candidate because her left ear is "to good." the lady looked at me with this WOW face, then proceeded to tell me that they most likely are not implanting her because it costs too much. Then she proceeded to continue to tell me that having 2 ears that can hear would be better than having 1 decent & 1 not so great ear.
Is she right? Most definitely.
I feel like the road is getting bumpier & bumpier & bumpier. The money is most definitely the main factor as to why the wont implant her. But what upsets me is, am i holding her back from having the best? If she had the 2 ears would this help her more?I know children with hearing loss should not be compared, BUT when you see children that are doing so much better at the same age, it makes you wonder.
Did i do the right thing with the Implant? Should i have fought harder for her to have a CI?
When does this get easier?
The questions, the worry the wonder... I just don't know where I'm at these days.
It could be alot worse..yes i know i need to tell myself this constantly.
But shes my little girl & all i want is the best for her...whatever that may be.......
The reason i started thinking about this more was because Ive seen first hand children that have CI's are just amazing. Talk normal, hear amazing & are doing wonderfully. In all reality Savannah is profoundly deaf in her Right ear. Yes the hearing aide is helping BUT its not giving her the speech she will need. So to have her rely on her left ear solely is alot to ask.
Your probably asking Why have i started doubting myself & Savannah so much? Well simply because I don't know if shes progressing now like she should be. I was asked by a mother the other day who's daughter has Bilateral CI's why Savannah has not been implanted in her right ear? I kind of looked dumbfounded at her, but in all reality i had asked this question over & over myself. The only answer i could give was that the implant clinic no longer holds her as a candidate because her left ear is "to good." the lady looked at me with this WOW face, then proceeded to tell me that they most likely are not implanting her because it costs too much. Then she proceeded to continue to tell me that having 2 ears that can hear would be better than having 1 decent & 1 not so great ear.
Is she right? Most definitely.
I feel like the road is getting bumpier & bumpier & bumpier. The money is most definitely the main factor as to why the wont implant her. But what upsets me is, am i holding her back from having the best? If she had the 2 ears would this help her more?I know children with hearing loss should not be compared, BUT when you see children that are doing so much better at the same age, it makes you wonder.
Did i do the right thing with the Implant? Should i have fought harder for her to have a CI?
When does this get easier?
The questions, the worry the wonder... I just don't know where I'm at these days.
It could be alot worse..yes i know i need to tell myself this constantly.
But shes my little girl & all i want is the best for her...whatever that may be.......
It is such a difficult decision. I often wish Sophia had been implanted earlier instead of at 1 year (due to insurance reasons). I also compare her to babies implanted at 9 mos. who are way ahead of her. She is catching up well but I always wonder...
ReplyDeleteMel, I know this is tough on you and a hard decision to make. You are always going to wonder "what if..." I think Savannah is doing amazing, but a CI could possibly allow her to do even better. Time is on your side, as she is still very young. Do you have an upcoming appointment with the implant clinic? I'm not really sure how things work over there, but it may be worth getting another opinion. You are such a fierce mamma and are being a great advocate for your little girl. If for nothing else, do it for peace of mind. Hugs and kisses!
ReplyDeleteEmily